While over at Career and Kids, I was directed to the proclamation of, You do not lose your brain when you have kids. And while the demise of the mother’s brain (or in reality both parent’s but mother’s usually suffer the brunt of the claims of brain loss) is greatly exaggerated, there is some validity to it also.
Now, I say greatly exaggerated partly because, I defy you to find a mother (and most father’s if they are honest) that hasn’t laid claim to “Mom’s Heimers” or some other classification of “forgetfulness” This is probably the root of problem in people believing that a mother “loses her brain” It is the self-deprecation, the “I am the world’s worst mom” speeches, or even proudly proclaiming, Not winning mother of the year. This is what gets blown out of proportion.
But there is more to it than that. Don’t get me wrong, I actually do not disagree with many of Pam’s points, many parent’s thrive in a way they never imagined they would before they had their kids. But, you are a threat to “the collective” (at least you are if you are the type of parent that is reading this post, or any other parent blog. Why, because you are the type of person that tries to “strike a balance” between work and family life, and those in “corporate” don’t like that. They didn’t like it in the days when the work day was closer to the “storybook” 9 to 5, they downright hate it now.
When I was let go of Bear Sterns back in early 2006 (luckily for me as it turns out), it wasn’t because of my work.Â It wasn’t even because of my pay (I took a 30% paycut to fit into the structure there, thinking there was a future there… ha!).Â No, the problem was my bosses were single people.Â They couldn’t understand my not being a “team player.”Â It didn’t matter that I would work nights from home, it didn’t matter that I arrived earlier than anybody else.Â All these people saw was somebody that didn’t stay in the office “enough” hours.Â I wasn’t a “team player.”Â I wanted to do things that made absolutely no sense to them, like go to my daughter’s dance recital, or I would have to call in because at times, I was the one that had to stay home with LatteGirl if she were home sick from school.Â It is not that I got any additional time off, than anybody else, but it “seemed” like I took more time off (to them) because I was out “all those days” in small individual day blocks rather than “2 weeks in Aspen.” which was OK with them.
To them (and I only used them as an example, I have seen it both in places I have worked since, and even places that I worked when I was still “free” to spend 18 hours in the office.Â So, it is nice to say, that you don’t lose you brains, the problem is, you need to find another parent in order to find somebody that will believe you.